So yes, I have been somewhat silent lately, and I have a good reason.
I am re acclimating to American culture...slowly and badly.
It's not just one big thing, it's several small things piling up on top of each other.
It could be going from being able to go anywhere whenever I wanted, to being stuck on my farm with my family, who is lovely, but not in large amounts to someone who has just spent nine months in Japan (because their demeanor is the exact opposite of everything I've been culturally conditioned to behave like for my stay in Japan); it could be the severe whiplash and extreme digestion problems I'm still having due to the food (and maybe a little bit of lactose intolerance?). When I saw the "Asian Foods" section of my local grocery store, I cried. I still can't touch cup noodles here (despite it being one of my staples during winter break in Japan). The quality of packaged food was simple better in Japan and I can literally taste the differences.
My reentry shock could also be that I'm processing too much information--in Japan, a majority of what I read, heard, and saw were blocked out through what I call my "lazy filter"--if I couldn't understand it automatically, my attention slid away. Now, though, everything I hear, see, and read are all in my native language. I understand it. And the information overload is kinda driving me insane.
Now looking at differences between America and Japan is causing some cultural clashes as well.
Japan was really backward in gender roles and all that stuff, and while in Japan, I built up what and how I though America was superior to Japan in women's lib. Boy was I crushed when I cam back to America and took a new look. It was as if nothing was as I remembered it. America, while still better than Japan, really has a lot to do before it can match up to my standards. And imagine my surprise by the passion this mental inequality awoke in me. America's going to get better--and I'm going to help, one person at a time.
Another thing that's awoken a passion in me is the discrimination I received in Japan. I was a foreigner, and thus subhuman to most Japanese who didn't know me (and even some of the ones who did!). But when I brought this up with my Japanese host family, they pish-poshed me, saying that Japan didn't have discrimination (this was brought up during a conversation about discrimination in America, to which I responded, "It's kinda like the way they treat foreigners in Japan," to my host family's dismay). Coming back and taking another look, it's kinda horrifying to see how most every TV show is about some straight, white, cisgender person with backup or background characters being shallow stereotypes of minorities, with not much character development. After Japan, I feel I'm more sensitive to these types of matters and (despite fully knowing that others do not share my emotions or experiences), I still feel shocked (and a little hurt) when I point this stuff out to my friends and family and they just shrug it away as if it doesn't matter.
But I feel the crux of the matter to my reentry shock was that as soon as I came home (after my sleep escapade), I fell back into the regular routine I have been doing for the last four summers. Less than a week home, and I was already going back to work, to about the same job I was interning at last summer.
I'm not complaining about my job--it's really fun!--but I do feel almost as if my nine months in Japan was merely a dream and I've been just drudging along in America the entire time.
It's not a pretty feeling. It makes me feel all sick and twisted inside. It makes me feel as if I'm all alone.
Thank goodness for the invention of the internet and Skype then! I keep in contact with my friends, teachers, and host family and after talking to them, I do feel more connected.
I go back to college August 25, and I have to admit I'm looking forward to that. I will finally see all my friends and my beloved campus that I missed while in Japan. It will be my senior year and then I'll be...done.
It's a curious feeling to be almost at the end of one adventure and heading out towards a new one, but hey, I did it in Japan and I'll do it again...in America.
